Depression or Mental Illness. That word we throw around so easily nowadays. The word we use to describe anything from a bad day to overwhelming inabilities to live life. But only the one with depression know, It is much more than any one word can describe.
It is something that slowly takes over a person’s life without them even realizing it began. It is insidious, creeping up and building up over time. Firstly little, Unnoticeable things change, leading to bigger changes. Then as if out of the blue, That one famous black cloud is overhead.
Depression is when everything feels to hard. When you feel so low that things you used to enjoyed no longer holds that same joy. You start to wonder how you ever enjoyed anything at all. You wonder that what other people have that you can’t get a hold of. You find it harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning . You drag yourself through the day. You find it difficult to go to bed at night. The low feels so low that it seems to take over, You in a way that you could not have imagined beforehand.
The efforts to do the small things is huge. The pressure to do anything is even bigger. People always say you should talk to someone, Tell someone, but how do you put words to something so hard to even understand yourself? How do you explain to someone that you want to live your life but also you don’t know how you can? How do you explain that this no longer feels like a choice, that it controls you not the other way around? Depression is a reaction. A reaction to a life that you never imagined would be yours, A reaction to stress and a seeming inability to change your situation, It is an in-acceptance of how things are or were, It is lack of self –care and a giving too much of yourself to others, It is lack of energy to take any more of what life has for you It is a deep sadness and regret. It is all of this and much more, We are not always aware of why it happens because of how slowly and quietly it sneaks up on us.
For anyone reading this that can relate to all or some of what I have written it is no good for me or anyone else to try and make you get help, Yes at the early stages of depression or with a mild depression things like getting out for a walk doing something you enjoy or talking to a friend can help But with long and deep depression all of these things can feel too hard, This is also what makes it so hard to come out of it alone.
Firstly, there needs to be acceptance that depression is a part of your life for now.
Secondly, allow yourself the time needed to get through this it does take time. There is no magic cure but as slowly as it developed it can slowly get better. Before depression it was hard to imagine what you are going through now just as now it is hard to imagine ever feeling better. But don’t allow not being able to imagine a better future put you off making changes now.
Thirdly, as impossible as it seems to do, you need to get help from somewhere be it your doctor a professional or that person that is always there trying to urge you out of this, But none of these people will do it perfectly, but they will support you and you need to allow that to happen. Sometimes the biggest battle can be making that choice too allow others to help.
Finally, I hope this gets easier for you, I hope you find a way out of this situation, I hope you get that sense of control back. There are lots of people who have been through depression and came out the other side of the tunnel. I you find someone who understands what you are going through. Hope is one of those things that disappears with depression so for now I will hope for you until you find that hope again for yourself.
BBA 1st semester, KUSOM